Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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