A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
