ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
