I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
