His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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