when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
