At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
