You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
