When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
