He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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