She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
