Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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