Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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