He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
