I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize