Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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