he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
