just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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