A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
