I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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