why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
