i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
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