do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
