How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
