You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
