oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Mom said you looked used
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
