ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize