I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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