when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
