Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
