That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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