On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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