so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
