this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize