How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
