Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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