i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
