Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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