i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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