Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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