Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
