Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Randomize
