Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
