i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
