5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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