just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
