I'm drive I can fine osifer
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
