glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
