You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
