Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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