If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
