The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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