i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
