Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
