Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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