OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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