I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
