Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i think i have two assholes
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
