no, he came in my armpit
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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