Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
