Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
id be glad to
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
