so explain again why im purple
no
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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