i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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