Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
My vagina just clenched in fear
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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