you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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