She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
