The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
