...so i touched it.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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